The Heart of Worship

I'm sitting in the wreck room trying to think of some outstanding words that could describe what I've learned over the last few days. The words would communicate wonder, healing, revelation, freedom from emotions, and praise that is far more amazing than any human mind could grasp. I'm sitting here and apparently my vocabular is too limited to be able to communicate that to you guys... cool!

God is doing so much work here. Already he has taught me so much through the guest speakers and we've only had two! The topic for week #2. was, "The Character and Nature of Christ/Hearing God's Voice." By the end of the week I was furious. I was not hearing God. I was not (although I really was) 'learning' anything about his characteristics. I was so frustrated. What was I doing wrong? Did I need to pray more? Not possible! I spent hours in prayer and hours in worship trying desperately to hear. I felt like I was looking at God through a camera. You know when you're trying so hard to focus on something that is sooooo far away that it is out of focus. Do you know what I mean? Maybe.... maybe not. Anyways... I was upset.

So Friday morning I got up and decided that I was going to just focus on the subject, "Christ is my Healer." So what happens? My ear gets infected, I got dizzy/sick and had to stay in bed all day, and BONUS the next day I called home and found out my grandpa's health is getting pretty bad. Ok... not the response I was hoping for. More frustration came.

I knew I was under attack. I woke up so many times over the next few nights crying or just in pain. Sunday night I finally gave in. I was sitting in the dining hall at 5 a.m. with stomach cramps and I just prayed for God to give me peace about how I view certain aspects of who he is. I was struggling specifically with 'Father, Healer, Lover, and Judge.

The next night I was in the Dwelling Place (prayer room) and I just started walking around the room. I came to one of the many passages that were posted on the walls and it said, "God's Love Letter." I began reading it and instantly the tears started to come down. :) It was such a beautiful letter. It said things like,

"I will never stop doing good to you...(Jeremiah 32:40)" -Judge

"I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles...(2 Cor. 1:3-4) -Healer/Father

"For you are my treasured possession...(Exodus 19:5)" -Lover

"I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love...(1 John 4:16) -Father/Lover

If anyone wants to read it I can type it up and send it to them. It's fabulous and illustrates SOOO much of who God is. It was fantastic! God revealed himself... but only after I gave in and just said, 'I dunno what else to do.' It was so simple it was stupid. :)

WORSHIP:

After that encounter with God worship has been so much more alive and fulfilling! I can't even tell you! I seriously have NEVER in my life experienced worship like this before. I'm singing with all my heart, dancing, laughing, crying, praising, yelling even! We are becoming a family here and I'm so grateful that God has brought me into his house. I feel so close to him and loved and cared for. I can't believe it has already been a month! I have my ups and downs but worship has always been an up here. It is my time to give back to God. And as he said he wants to bless that gift of worship.

I was so convicted in lectures today that I want to share what I journaled:

"How pathetic it is that I've grown up seeing worship as 5 songs that we memorize and sing before the pastor gets up and talks for about 40 mins. I don't even think about the words I'm singing anymore! It's early Sunday morning. How pathetic it is that I complain about who's leading worship because I don't like their voice or way or their style isn't my favorite. Worship is NOT meant for me. Worship is my time to thank God for what he has done, for the characteristics of who HE is! I feel like worship has become so stale."

That last line really sums it up for me. I was so shocked when I first came here. I went into a worship or prayer session and EVERYONE was singing, dancing, praising, and talking all at once. No one was looking around ackwardly or messing with their hair. The band was simple and it wasn't a show or concert. The lead guitarist didn't have beg the congregation to worship. It was just natural.

Worship is your time to give back to God. PRAISE THE LORD! I'm sooooo excited about worship now. I LOVE the times spent in the worship hall. They excite me! I danced for the first time tonight! It was amazing. I got to a place where I literally didn't care and God'll meet you there... I promise!

This week at the base happens to be the 24/7 week of worship. We have slots throughout the week (5 hours a day each) that we are in the worship room. So far my times have been amazing and I can't wait to see what else God is going to do.

Praise Report:

God has showed me where he wants me to go on outreach! I can't spill the beans quite yet because some people are still praying about their locations. I'll let everyone know ASAP! Here are the teams.

1. Tingha, Australia (primary focus is building ministries with the indigenous teens and youth)
2. South Africa, Capetown (primary work would be with orphanages who take care of kids who are HIV+ and ministering to victims of human trafficing)
3. South Africa and Thailand (team #3. is the same as #2. except for two weeks in Thailand where they'll be working with human trafficing victims (especially kids))
4. Vanuatu (island off the southeast coast of Australia) (3rd world country so the focus there would be working with especially poor areas, a lot of work with kids, building clean water tours, ect.)

We leave Nov. 23rd and get back Jan. 16th. We are all going to end up in Tingha towards the end. As well as we're spending a week (probably the week of my Birthday) in the outback :) hunting

I pray for everyone at home sooo much! I love you all and thank you so much for all your prayers and support. God is moving! If anyone has any questions, comments, or just wanna know more please email me/facebook me/or even write me a letter (getting mail here is like Christmas morning for a five year old.) Mail is good! LOVES!

God Bless,
-Shanna