Reflection

I am currently sitting on Anna Bolton's dorm room bed trying to think of what I should share at the upcoming Youth Group event. I'm overwhelmed by memories of playing with children in Africa, speaking with western men in the red light districts of Thailand, and witnessing in indigenous Australia. I never realized how difficult it would be to summarize the past six months. It is most certainly not an easy task. Which stories will be most impacting? Would anyone want to hear about that? What if I can't communicate what a red light district is like... does that matter? Quite frankly, I'm a bit overwhelmed.

It seems as if the past six months are simply the past six months but that I need to live here in the present. The problem with that is that my present doesn't have the last six months to back it up. Does that make sense? For example many of my classmates have moved on to college, jobs, and pursuing future careers. However, I have not. God called me to something different then He called them to. He has called me to a period of waiting right now. It's waiting away from what I was in... does that make sense? I'm waiting for direction. I'm waiting for equipment and I'm waiting for a clear call. I keep falling more and more in-love with Thailand the more I learn about it and the more I think about it. There are ministries there that I'd love to participate in. Is that God's plan? Am I going to Asia? Will I ever be there again? What about right now? What does He want from me here in Seattle?

Do you ever wonder if God gets tired of all of your questions? Well I don't wonder I just know he does. I can just seem him sitting there going, "Shanna, trust me." He whispers it again, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37. Why do we humans doubt and fear the future and God's perfect sovereign plan over our lives? I personally am afraid of making mistakes. Some are afraid of the outcome, and others simply don't want to be apart of the plan.

I once heard someone say that God will have his way... with or without you in the picture. If you wanna be in the picture you've gotta be available. I believe that's true. He will get the work done. He (quite frankly) doesn't need me to do it. For some reason that freaks me out. What if his plan is that much bigger then me that I'm afraid of missing out on it.

That's confusing. Whatever, it's my thoughts and this is my blog haha I'm throwing it out there to see what you guys think.

Read Psalm 37 it's worth your time.

Be Blessed!

-Shanna