A Comforting Atmosphere

I realized this afternoon while sipping my Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks with my bestie, Anna, that I had not written on my blog in over a month! I can't try to begin to start to process how much has happen over the past month. There has been so much growth, lose, pain, love, emotions, and stress that really can't be summarized in blog post very effectively.

There are times in life when you simply don't want to get out of bed and I feel like the past months has been a continuation of those moments- from day to day. It's not just depression that sets in but also just the realization of how overwhelming life is. I love this song right now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcQDcbKRTCM

There's something sweet about that picture. In the middle of these times lets just sit up all night talking and drinking wine. Smiling but close to tears- everyone can relate to that. Sometimes there's nothing you can do. You just keep going. You make it work when it hurts.

I've found that I need a 'space'. I turned my bedroom into a sweet hideaway. Amongst t

winkle lights and fuzzy blankets- vanilla candles and photographs- calming music and memories - I've enjoyed the silent pleasure of a sweet escape. It doesn't matter if I'm doing homeworking, reading, or facebooking I'm enjoying the comforting atmosphere. :)

I started my second to last quarter (my last full quarter) at EdCC a few weeks back. I'm taking Astronomy 110, Spanish 122, and English 102. Love Spanish and English. Astronomy and me don't get on so well. School has always been a struggle for me. Even in high school I fought for good grades and recognition. It's not that I didn't/don't get good grades and recognition- it's that I pay dearly for it. I have the same revelation about once a quarter. Are you ready for it? I idolize grades, professors, and my success academically. Last night I was confronted with this harsh reality. The fact that I am not defined by what I do smacked me in the face- yet again. However, I so often think I am. This seemingly trivial fault of mine- one that many have struggled with before me- is damaging. Whatever the case I continually have a hard time realizing that my life is very imbalanced and that I often focus too much on the 'what' and not the 'how.'

This fault is not only revealed in my academic life but my spiritual and social as well. So often I am so focused on 'doing' something about the situation that I forget that how I do it and is as important as what I do. A beautiful gift can be mailed to the receiver or can be handed to them gently and lovingly. The value lies not in the gift but in how it's presented and the heart behind it. I want to do 'something great' is a phrase I've heard by many seniors in high school. I know I said it and still do from time to time. God, people, the world- they don't need something great- they need someone who has the capacity to do great and still be great. Does that make sense? hmmm maybe. maybe not. Anyways, I guess I don't know how to change that- but I want to. I've always wanted to.

You know those people that you just want to be around? I grew up with this girl named, Olivia, and something I remember about her is that I always always- no matter what- I wanted to be around her. I felt safe, I felt supported, I felted loved, and I felt comfort when I was around her. There was this peace that I know now was Christ through her. I loved it and it's attractive and inspiring. That's the kind of I guess 'vibe' 'atmosphere' whatever- I want to have. Ya know? It's not like she changed my life because she saved whales or children in Africa or whatever-- she simply loved. That was enough. She like an escape to me. I wanted to absorb any kind of strength that she could rub off on me.

For those of you who read this because you want to know what's actually going on in my life and not just my random thoughts about weird things like the last few paragraphs here are some pictures. :) I went to Tri-Cities with Ellen, Clayton, Mom, and Dad for my cousin, Benny's, wedding the weekend. The newly weds met us there as well. It was a beautiful wedding and a lovely location :).

We also met a beautiful but vicious swan that attacked Clayton's shoes.

Gnight all- be blessed. :)

-Shanna

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."